Karma chikha lo lab dheyw dha, he expressed something i’ve been thinking about recently quite a lot. About how he feels lowkey guilty when he doesn’t make full use of the education that is made possible to him right now.

And I could understand him as soon as he said it because I’ve felt that way too. I think being from an emerging economy you know that almost everyone out there would love to study in the US in good schools. And that most people would instantly switch places no doubt with me or karma or anyone here studying in a pretty good college getting full rides.

And this feeling is exacerbated whenever i talk to my friends from home. This new found friend circle i’ve come across are really actually self made. people who really just have made it out and are prospering just through the medium of ju peycha. i think of rinzin and how he dropped out of sherubtse and is now in europe as a software engineer. i think of 2 more who are now going to be working in europe in software engineering gi field na lu and how they’ve made it just through their own talent and skills.

I think of people like them and then i think about if they were in my place, how much more could they have achieved. if they had been given the same privilges as me and we had both had the same starting points how mcuh further could they have gone ahead. how much of a bigger impact would they have had on the people around them and the country.

i really do feel guilty about it im not gonna lie. i feel like i really haven’t made full use of it and squandered quite a bit of the privilege i have gotten. this feeling of guilt is hard to shake off man.

I’ve talked about it with acho and i think what he says helps me a teeny bit. In that you never know how its gonna turn out. the butterfly effect here is too much to comprehend. there is so much nuance and complexity that even if they were in my place would they end up in the same spot or worse or better.

but at the same time i’ll still feel guilty about it. and i think i should as well. i think this sense of guilt reminds you of the responsibilities, of my privilege and tells me not to squander it and to make as much use of it as i can.

ahhh fuck me writing this just made me feel fucking sad bro.